The International Schoolof Energy Medicine

I understand that many of us carrying around unhealed wounds from the past that occur in the present as neediness. We feel as though we have to hide our needs, fearing that they will engulf anyone who gets too close. Yet in our effort not to appear inappropriately needy, many of us have tried to shut down our needs entirely. The appropriate needs get thrown together with inappropriate ones and we swallow them all. Yet this, in turn only creates more hunger because it’s simply not normal for us to not have needs in our relationships with others. When we try to pretend that our needs don’t exist or treat them as though they were pathological we only feed the hunger in our heart that more intensely.

Human beings are not meant to live in isolation. We are here to have relationships. Nothing much gets accomplished in life outside of a connection to other people. Rather than trying to get rid of your need for love, kindness, respect, and belonging consider instead, taking your needs seriously. Begin to cultivating relationship with people who are able and willing to respond lovingly toward you when you ask for what you need, instead of staying with people who don’t and hoping that they will change. (They won’t, unless they decide to)

Men and women, in general, have somewhat different needs. A woman needs to feel heard and tended in a relationship. Ideally, she needs to be noticed, wanted and adored. She needs to feel treasured by her man and she needs a partner who demonstrates that he cares about her feelings. She needs someone who will anticipate her wishes and take action to fulfil them, even before she thinks to ask. She needs her partner to keep his word to her. She needs him to be someone she can count on, someone who will do his best to make her feel secure.

Men, on the other hand, need to feel needed. A man will thrive when he feels appreciated by his partner and when he is acknowledged for his accomplishments. Too often, women remember to acknowledge a man for his big accomplishments but forget the little things he does each day to make her happy. He needs to be acknowledged for these little things too. He needs to be accepted just the way he is. He will thrive if he feels admired, authentically liked, and respected. A loving partner who encourages and inspires him will bring out the best in him.

It's important to identify what each of us would like to experience so that we can adequately assess who we should or should not open our hearts to. It’s important that we don’t judge ourselves or make ourselves wrong for having the needs that we have. Until you can take full responsibility for what you would like and need in a relationship, you may waste a lot of your time with people who either don’t have what you would like or, for whatever reason, simply aren’t interested in giving it to you.

You can change no one but yourself, by doing the inner work needed to make those changes from inside of you, which in turn will change your daily experiences.

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